I enjoy autumn.   The days are getting cooler here in Atlanta, and the changing of the leaves is awesome.   However, it is the return of NCAA Football; that  makes fall so enjoyable to me.   On a recent Sunday morning, I was exchanging congratulatory football-related texts with my friend Faith, when she asked if I had time for a phone call.   I had just poured a fresh cup of coffee which I planned to enjoy on the deck, so I was free to talk.   After exchanging some pleasantries, Faith said she needed a male’s perspective about a guy she had been dating.  After 40 years of marriage, I am clueless as to the current dating scene.  However, from time to time, my female friends ask me for insight into the male psyche.  She told me that after three good dates, this guy had gone “radio-silent.”   Also, he had failed to respond to a few text messages.  She was miffed by his behavior, which she considered rude, and asked for my perspective.  I cannot say that I was much help, but I did share some thoughts.  It occurred to me that our conversation was similar to my recruiting-related issues.

I have some single friends, male and female, mostly Baby-Boomers, who are actively dating.   When we get together, over cocktails, poker, or business networking, I usually get an update on their progress looking for the right match.   Some of my single friends are very active.  Each has been married, at least once, so they know what they want in a mate.  Some have a clear dating strategy to follow.  Some are more casual, taking things as they come.  Some enjoy the process, while it has traumatized others.  Some are optimistic while others have all but given up.  People new to the dating scene are trying to understand the rules of the game.  I have come to realize that dating and job search is very similar, particularly among Baby-Boomers.

Making a good first impression is a critical component in dating and job search.  It begins with your on-line profile, usually LinkedIn and a resume for job seekers.   As with job search, technology has delivered a lot of resources to facilitate “mate search,” with E-Harmony and Match.com prominently recognized.   Additionally, there are smartphone dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and the new Hinge.  These apps offer a platform to aid those seeking friendship, romance, and at times, short-term physical gratification.   About these apps, Faith said, “As I surf through the sea of other romance seekers on these apps, I look for a common alignment of goals, personal and professional interests, and hobbies.”

Notwithstanding the technology supporting the dating scene, the fundamental process for selecting a mate is much the same as finding a good job.  It begins with a goal, supported by criteria for the optimal match and a search strategy.  In other words, you need a plan.  [Tweet “When dating, the process is referred to as romance, whereas the job search process is about earning a living.”]  In dating and job search, the objective is about promoting one’s unique selling proposition while evaluating the other party.  

Every step of the way is fraught with angst.  I hear questions like; when will I hear back from him/her?  Did I make a fatal mistake?  Are they considering someone else?   Why is the process taking so long?  It is a challenge to get your foot in the door.  That first screening call is the brass ring.  Waiting for the second call can be agonizing.  The process never happens in a vacuum.  There is always competition, blind to the candidate until after the fact, if ever.  The timetable is beyond one’s control.  Intestinal fortitude is required.

Next week I will explore each step of the dating/job search process in more depth.